Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Please note: this is not an actual request for a groom. I’m being extremely sarcastic.

Have your parents ever begged you to let them find you a spouse?  I know at least some of my Arab peeps would relate.

One day I jokingly said to my mom “khalas mom, find me a groom”. I then proceeded to ‘insert-foot-into-mouth’ as she went on a rant about how if I ever want to find a proper groom I have to act the part.

I’m sure you can imagine her worry (that I will never get married) when she saw this on my Facebook wall later that evening:

Image

Well, what if I don’t want a chauvinistic butt-hole who would have a robot for a wife?

I’m changing the game and I’m setting the rules this time.

NOW HIRING: GROOM

Job type: Full time

Compensation: A satisfying life with an intelligent and loyal partner

Responsibilities include but are not limited to:

-Cooking, cleaning and laundry; especially when I’m out to pilates class and book club

-Accompanying me to sappy chick flick movies and occasionally staying in for foreign movies, and discussing them together afterwards

-Coming up with extravagant ideas for our weekly date night

-Stay at home with children once breastfeeding phase is over and I resume my breadwinner title

-Biting the bullet if I make more money than you

-Listening to my day and offering helpful insight and opinions

-Regular back and foot massages

-Memorizing all my friends and their respective drama

-Making yourself scarce during girl’s night at our house

-Checking on our parents and taking them out, even if and when I am not able to

Required Qualifications:

-Proficient skill level in realism and equality

-Love of adventure and travel

-At least twenty-five years of experience in maturity

-A sense of humor

-Love and respect for his family and mine

-Love and respect for animals

-Ability to accept me for who I am

Preferred Qualifications:

– High paying stable job with growth potential (no more than 40 hour work weeks)

-A giant blue Logan sapphire wedding ring laced with diamonds

-Anything ranging from a four pack to an eight pack

-Dandruff-free hair

-Flatulence and body odor to a minimum

-Habit of leaving the seat down

ATTENTION:

Douche-bags, deadbeats, extremists, chauvinist pigs and any one who expects me to be ‘little-miss-house-wife’ need not apply.

Again, please note: This post is completely and utterly a sarcastic commentary on the unrealistic expectations placed on ‘good girls wanting to get married’ and nothing more… This does not reflect my actual beliefs or requirements although some overlap may occur and it does not at all reflect my desire to find a groom…

P.S. love you mom!

Advertisements