WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU LEBANESE?

Tags

beirut, cars, driving, lanes, lebanon, moped, signals, traffic

So while I was driving today, I was at a red light patiently waiting my turn to go through. Once it turns green a moped shows up out of nowhere driving snail slow and wavering from one side of the road to the other making it impossible for me to pass without taking him out. I rarely use my horn but today my patience was running very low and I honked. He stops in the middle of the road, looks back at me and the line of traffic behind me waiting to cross before the light turns red and gives me the “You honking at me?” look, as if he is all insulted and that I had accused him of something clearly unfair.

So I pressed the gas pedal, I floored it and drove right into him. His head flew over my car and landed on the car behind me and then the drivers cheered as they drove over his dead mangled body, and it felt so good to see his blood splatter and his fingers twitch…

Just kidding… that’s what I wanted to do, instead I played the “who gets mad faster” game that us Lebanese love to play on the road and I began yelling inaudibly and looking furious as I took the opportunity that he was standing still to go around him.

That was just one of the MAAAAANNNNNNYYYYYYYY other frustrating occurrences on the road today, and I can’t take it anymore.

I have two words for you that would make EVERYONE’s life a lot easier: LANES and SIGNALS!

Let’s start with Lanes:

When you should feel obliged to change lanes:
If you are on the left and you are approaching a crossroad or a turn and you want to go right, plan ahead and DON’T BLOCK THE TRAFFIC ON THE LEFT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO GO RIGHT !
When you SHOULD NOT change lanes:
When someone is minding their own business in their own lane next to yours and you decide to change lanes without giving a signal and cut in front of them… DON’T!
PICK A FRIGGEN LANE!
It is preposterous how many people drive in between lanes. The white line that indicates the lane right between their tires! YOU ARE TAKING UP TWO LANES WHEN YOU DO THAT! PAY ATTENTION, PICK A LANE AND STAY IN IT!

Two things you should know about Signals:

When you see someone ahead giving a signal to go right, DO NOT SPEED UP TO PASS THAT PERSON, give way….
GIVE A FRIGGEN SIGNAL WHEN YOU DECIDE TO CHANGE LANES ON A FREAKING WIM!

FOR GOD’S SAKE! ONE DAY MY PATIENCE WILL RUN OUT AND I WILL PURPOSELY START DRIVING INTO PEOPLE! I WILL DO IT!

2 thoughts on “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU LEBANESE?”

Fadi said:

September 19, 2011 at 5:12 pm

LOL ! That part about driving into the moped had me going for a while there.. A small tip though, try to smile at people who piss u off, it’s a great way to make them angry and confused.. how much screaming can u do at a smiling person before you feel REAL guilty ?
E's said:

September 20, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Haha, glad that my plan worked did you gasp in disbeleif as you thought I killed a man?

Thanks for the tip, I will definately try that and I will let you know how it goes. I don’t think they will feel guilty though, I think it will just irritate them and that works for me !